1. 52

1.

i’ve gone and done something foolish.

on par with my typical running and leaping, jumping head first into a challenge, then looking down, noticing the height, the potential hard landing, and realizing it’s too late to rewind. flailing or otherwise losing interest, i usually abandon these things.

this time i won’t.

52 essays for 2017. 52 opportunities to reach in this rubbled mind and unearth the beautiful, the ugly, the absurd. to bend friendships to their limit. to make seeming foes of family. to place my depths at the stake for the sake of art.

i joined it for that reason, mostly. i’ve been afraid to write my history. the pages of my memory are pebbled, marred and dinged with people who love me, whom i love, whose rank anger i can already smell, fumes licking up from the very pit of my stomach, at the words that may result. this sticky black feeling is uneasiness, this is fear.

fear of writing the truth, because maybe that truth is just too real to exist out loud. to exist on page where it can be consumed, chewed, spit out as hatred, regurgitated as vile accusations of treason. usually, when this feeling enters, this murky, muddy sinking in the very bottom of my stomach, i put my pen down, i freeze my fingers, navigate to a more palatable tab. i run.

this time i won’t.

 

7 comments

  1. You can do it. Looking forward to it. Lowercase? My joi de vie! I write so many of my poems in lowercase. Love Baldwin, but, I am a Langston Hughes fanatic (I take my cue from his poems, and we share the same birthdate – Feb. 1. A million years apart, but, you know).

    Well, think of it not so much as a challenge and have some fun with it. Oh, it’s a challenge. Who am I kidding. Bon chance. V.

  2. Just thought of some encouragement: song and CD title, Cheers To The Fall, by Andra Day. She speaks of the height and the potential fall after the climb, but she knows not how to “never try at all”. There you go! Awesome song, as well. V.

  3. as one of my friends and favorite authors, i’m looking forward to reading what you have in store. maybe you’ll motivate me to dust off my blog as well.

Say it loud, say it proud... just not in all caps.

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