i hate arguing. with anyone.
particularly, with men.
i hate arguing with men because i am incredibly inept at the art of scathing words and whipping necks and icy attitude.
i know what you’re thinking, a black woman that isn’t good at having an attitude? no way. lol.
yes, tis true. i suck at being an angry black woman.
i’ve known this for a while, but i noticed this blatantly the other day while witnessing one of my girlfriends arguing with her man on the phone, and being in awe at how the instant-evil just flowed so easily off her tongue and gave him a verbal beating.
this inherent suckiness at arguing is why i loathe any sort of dissonance with any male i remotely have any sort of interest or uninterest in. i simply do not possess the attitude or quick-tongued temper for verbal wars, and thus try to avoid all situations that involve tension if possible.
i’ve learned in 10 or so years of dating that you can tell a great deal about a man by the way he argues. if he is passive-aggressive, he’s usually not the person i’d go someplace where i’d even feel remotely unsafe with, because he usually will run and duck before i do. if he is a “yes” man and doesn’t assert any type of disagreement at all ever, i don’t trust him and i feel he just might construct a bomb and leave it under my bed one night. if he is a pseudo yes-man, meaning he finds the fastest path to the end of the argument by just nodding and telling me i’m right, he doesn’t really care about the issue or me, and probably just wants to see me naked. if he is an effective, intelligent communicator with a strong sense of self and highly opinionated, i am probably swooning … and losing the argument. every.single.time.
the problem with arguments with men like that is that nothing ever gets solved. i state my opinion, he states his in a much deeper and more authoritative voice, tells me i’m using “chick logic” or some variation of nonsensical thought, and i logically find it hard to counter his well thought out argument, thus, losing.
a typical argument would be something like this: i’m mad. man is confused. i state why i’m mad. man says it’s ridiculous. man gets bigger attitude than i have for me even having the gall to get mad about something so “petty/minuscule/unimportant” (even though it’s not most of the time). i try to counter. it doesn’t work because man’s anger has blocked his ear canal to all tones even close to that of my voice. me and man don’t talk for a few days. man calls after a few days not to apologize, but to say this feels wrong and we shouldn’t be like this or some variation of flowery words. i swoon. man and i make up. issue remains unsolved.
in essence, i’ve been arguing with assholes most of my life? i don’t know. lol. i just know i’m really really bad at winning 80% of the time. my ire-o-meter just doesn’t go high enough for me to unleash wrath or even stay mad long enough to “win” a war of the wills.
what i am good at, is apathy. disinterest. being silent. and that’s usually the default that i revert to, which only leads to an even bigger argument, usually.
am i the only one that sucks at arguing? any suggestions to help this deficiency? lol.